French campsites are very different to English campsites, we are discovering.

Arriving at the campsite in Albi after a long day on the road, I was impressed by the vaulted reception hall which appeared to be modelled on an upmarket ski resort in the Rockies, complete with humorous American signs – ‘Beware of the bears!’, ‘Beavers crossing!’, that kind of thing. There was a restaurant taking bookings for the evening which offered lobsters to order. Reading the brochure at the desk while we waited to be signed in, I was further impressed to learn that there was a swimming pool, spa and Turkish hammam.  Could this be our best campsite so far?

We were shown to our pitch by a uniformed member of staff in a golf buggy. The site was wooded with tents, lodges and wooden tree houses dotted amongst the trees. I started to put up our tent which we use to throw stuff in to keep the van clear – barbecues, bags and so on. The weather was hot and it was a bit of a struggle, especially as there were mosquitos taking an interest in my legs, but I was keen to get it done so we could get on with enjoying our evening. I was just nailing in the last peg when I heard a voice behind me say “No. NO tent.”

“No tent? Oh no, sorry, we’re not sleeping in it, we just want somewhere to put our stuff..”

“Tents are not permitted. NO.”

So down came the tent while the guard, sorry member of staff, kept a close eye to make sure I complied. We would now have to live with all the clutter in the van. Why? No explanation was given. Rules are rules. They must be obeyed.

Not long after that, we went to play a game of table tennis. When we came back, we found that our door mat, the one which stops dirt coming in to the van, had been lifted off the floor and put on the table. It seemed as well as “NO Tent” there was a “NO door mat” policy.  I was beginning to dislike this place.

That was just the beginning. We soon discovered that there was a long list of “No’s.

• NO walking on the grass.
• NO tents on the grass.
• NO doormats on the grass.

Infact, NO thing on the grass except campervans and motorhomes.

There were also:

• NO barbecues, except in the allotted barbecue area.
• NO noise after 10 pm – after 10 pm, SILENCE must be maintained (and believe me, it was. Walking back to the campervan at night, my flipflops were making such a racket, I was afraid they might set off an alarm!)

Oh, and in the pool:

• NO Bermuda shorts and NO swim shorts. Only speedos. In a campsite which catered for largely for the over sixties, this seemed somewhat cruel. How many pensioners can carry off speedos?

And yet despite all these rules, campers were provided with:

• NO soap to wash hands in the toilets.
• NO towel or hand dryer.
• And most heinous of all… NO toilet seats!!

In fact, these last three apply to pretty much every campsite we’ve been to in France. At least the Albi one had loo paper. Believe me, loo paper is a luxury.

And yet…there are many great facilities which you’ll find on a French campsite which you wouldn’t get on an English campsite.

• A table tennis
• Delicious fresh baguette/croissant/pain chocolat which you can order at reception for the next day’s breakfast.
• A place to play Petanque.

I have to say, given the choice between a toilet seat and a place to play Petanque, I’d opt for the toilet seat, but that’s just me.